1. The Line That Stayed
A couple days back I read these two lines somewhere. I have tried to remember it but can’t really put a pin on it. Anyway, the line goes,
“I’m good at lying
I learn that from you”
No jargons. No difficult emotions. Just some simple words strung together to mean something devastating. Did the person who wrote it think that this line can stir feelings in a person? Let alone make her write something of her own? Maybe they did. Sometimes the blue curtain is a metaphor for the writer’s depressive symptoms.
Anyway, I noted down these lines almost 5 days ago on my notes app and forgot all about it. Then yesterday I read it all of a sudden and I could not think of anything other than how we all lie about how we feel about someone just to make sure we don’t mess up what we already have going on. We gulp down our feelings with vodka (well it’s whiskey or tonics in my case), we turn a blind eye to the stolen glances, pictures taken amidst all the chaos, the smile, the soft eyes, the smirks etc. Basically we LIE. Again. And again. And again. Till either of the two things end up happening: either you remain in the status quo or one of you ends up in a situation where you just articulate how you feel in a moment of acute anger. Either way, you destroy something. The first option destroys the two of you. The second? Well, the second ruins the friendship.
“I’m good at lying
I learn that from you”
2. The Fear of Ruining It
This line stirred something in me. Ever since I read these two lines one phrase has been going in circles in my head. “Ruin the friendship”. Just that. Just those three words. I cannot help but wonder how many people are currently thinking about the same thing. Weighing their options. Battling the possibility that if they cross that metaphorical line, they might mess up the one bond that is synonymous to home for them.
How many people are keeping their feelings to themselves only for their eyes to show the bare truth. How many people can see two of their friends in love- except for those two idiots. How many people gave up the idea altogether.
People who read my blogs on the daily, know that I grew up on a daily dose of romcoms. Especially Hollywood romcoms. And if you are one of those people who has consumed their share of these movies, you know the friends-to-lovers trope is a common theme in most of them movies. Think Monica and Chandler from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Two friends who know each other since years find each other in love years later. Or Jake and Amy from Brooklyn 99. Or Penny and Leonard from The Big Bang Theory. Or movies like 13 going 30 or 500 days of Summer or a million more. There are so many more from where these came. What I mean to say is, we’re sold this trope because this is one of the most beautiful bonds to think about. But what about the weight of actually risking the friendship?
3. The Quiet Shift
No one really talks about what happens before that moment. The almost-confessions. The way your words stop just short of meaning something. The way you start noticing things you never paid attention to before—who they text first, who they sit next to, whether their voice changes when they say your name. It’s subtle at first. And then it’s not. And suddenly something that felt easy starts feeling careful. Like you’re constantly editing yourself in real time. Because now there’s something at stake.
So you lie. Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just in small, convincing ways. You say it’s nothing. You say it’ll pass. You say you’d rather have them like this than not have them at all. And maybe that’s true. Or maybe that’s just the version of truth you can live with. Because the alternative is terrifying. Because the moment you say it out loud, you can’t take it back. And the worst part is—not that they might not feel the same—but that they might look at you differently after. Like something has shifted. Like something has been broken.
And maybe that’s why that line stays. Because it’s not just about lying. It’s about where you learnt it from. It’s about how the one person you want to be honest with is also the one you hide from the most. And somehow, that feels like the biggest betrayal of all.
4. Choosing the Risk Anyway
Now despite the mess, despite knowing the price, we still fall in love with the one person we should not. Despite all of the things I just said about the weight of risking the friendship, I will always say friends-to-lovers is one of the best ways to fall in love. Imagine finding your best friend and also the love of your life in the same person. Isn’t it special? If you haven’t had the chance to feel it, let me tell you that it is one of the most amazing feelings.
I have been reading quite a lot about this “trope” nowadays and I completely agree with what my fellow bloggers have to say. The “slow burn” is easier said than done. The “confession” is easier said than done. There’s a lot at stake even without the other person not receprocating the same feelings. But while the 30-minute sitcom episodes or 3-hour movies hardly show the struggles, (simply because it’s not possible to be true to the art as well as the reality of the trope) I will always crave for what Monica and Chandler had or Jake and Amy had. Or what my parents and my friend’s parents have.
I want someone who knows me without me having to translate my soul because we speak the same language (even if the dialect is slightly different). I want someone who did not feel attracted to me because of what I had to offer, no matter how little. I want someone who saw me and found me interesting in the unromantic way. I want someone for whom I did not experience falling in love, at first sight. But rather one for whom my feelings developed, slowly and steadily. A love where I started noticing the little knowing smile he has when he knows he struck a chord. Or the baby face he makes when something doesn’t go his way. Or the way his eyes always find mine amidst the chaos. I want to feel the safety of friendship with my person and be undeniably in love.
While I write this, I am reminded of a line from one of the most unlikely book I should be thinking about right now. It’s “My Dark Vanessa” by Kate Elizabeth Russell. The line goes:
“People will destroy everything for a little bit of something beautiful”
And while I don’t want to experience a little bit of this beautiful story, I believe it somehow perfectly portrays what goes on in someone’s mind right before they confess. And you know what? I believe if there’s a chance for you to find love in your best friend, I say go for it. Risk it all. You know what Taylor Swift said about this right?
“My advice is always ruin the friendship
Better that than regret it for all time”
Wow I have blabbered on about friends-to-lovers for an ungodly amount. Anyway, ignoring the voices in my head, I want to say this one last thing: sometimes the “risking it all” is better than the “what could have been”.
To all my readers gushing over all the characters I named here, I love you and I hope you get your love story.
Cheers, Penny! 🧿✨
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