Category: Story of my life

  • You Made This Place Unholy

    Love was once here. Love was once mine.

    From loving you to regretting you all the time—
    life’s been a circus, never a climb.
    So yeah, there’s no poetic way to sign off—
    just one clean line: fuck off.

    You’re gone, yet somehow you stay,
    haunting my house in your own decay.
    Your laughter rots in the cracks of the floor,
    your shadow still seeps beneath my door.

    The bed holds the weight of your filthy lies,
    the mirror still shows the ghost in my eyes.
    You left my walls soaked in mildew and shame,
    every silence whispers your venomous name.

    But hear me now—I spit you out,
    your haunting ends with this final shout.
    This curse you cast will circle back,
    cling to your chest, and paint you black.

    So when the night moans and shadows creep,
    remember—it’s your soul that’s mine to keep.
    My house will heal, my heart will rise,
    but you’ll rot forever in your own demise.

    I evict you from this heart. The door you slammed won’t open for you again. 

  • Goodbye, quietly…

    No, you never built the fire
    That could keep me warm like you said,
    But you sure as hell lit the flames
    That left Lover House burned, love dead.

    You painted daydreams in August,
    Only to let them slip through your hands,
    A cardigan left in the corner,
    While you chased castles made of sand.

    You swore forever like scripture,
    But your vows were smoke in the air.
    I was a mirrorball breaking—
    You barely noticed I was there.

    You were the archer, unsteady,
    And I was the mark you betrayed.
    Now folklore forests remind me
    How fairytales quietly fade.

    So when I hear our songs now,
    They sound like a cruel disguise—
    You promised me sparks and daylight,
    But all I got were ashes and lies.

    Let me know your thoughts

  • The Girl Before “The One”

    I heard the news—you’ve found your star,
    a guiding light, a heart to spar.
    In two years’ time, with vows begun,
    you’ll stand beside her, call her “the one.”

    And still I linger in the shade,
    the fleeting dream, the part love played.
    Not yours to keep, but yours to know,
    a fire that burned, then let you go.

    Like Taylor wrote in words undone,
    “I was the girl before the one.
    The fragile bridge you crossed with care,
    to find a world beyond me there.

    I held your nights, your fragile fears,
    the weight of silence, uncried tears.
    I loved you raw, without pretense,
    and paid the price of innocence.

    It breaks, this heart, yet still it sings,
    of fleeting loves and broken wings.
    For though I’ll never wear your name,
    I’ll always be the spark, the flame.

    And when your story’s fully spun,
    you may remember where it’s from—
    the aching start, the songs begun…
    I was the girl before “the one.”

    Hey look, love was once here……you were once mine…all mine :”)

  • Paper Thin Forever

    I fell in love—
    slowly,
    then all at once.

    I let go of someone
    who loved me enough
    to move heaven and earth
    just to keep me from crying.

    Someone who held me,
    apologized with his eyes,
    and carried the weight of my hurt
    as if it were his own.

    But I let him go—
    for the hundred things he didn’t do,
    for the sweetness of your words
    that felt like promises.

    And so, I fell—
    slowly,
    then all at once.

    You became the echo in my days,
    the reflection I swore was mine.
    You felt like me
    in another body,
    the same soul
    wearing different skin.

    Life turned into a song,
    bright and careless—
    a Taylor Swift melody
    spun with hope.

    Naïve,
    I told you that on that taxi ride back home.

    I fell for you—
    and you left.
    Or maybe you were never here at all,
    only an illusion
    my love-starved heart
    painted into being.

    And maybe the blame is mine—
    for trusting words
    you never meant,
    for trading someone
    who made life feel easy
    for the echo of someone
    who was never real.

    Now I carry it with me—
    this fragile truth,
    this paper thin forever
    that scattered like ash
    when I tried to hold it.

  • Hoping My Way Out of You

    I hope I can finally fall in love with your absence.

    I hope I don’t love you anymore.

    I`hope it’s bright and sunny in your part of the city,

    and that you left the illusion of “us” long ago.

    I hope I can do the same. Someday. Soon.

    I hope your name no longer tightens my chest.

    I hope I stop looking for you in the corners of cafes

    and the shadows of places we once knew.

    I hope I stop writing you letters on the back pages of my diary —

    and lose the urge to tear out those love-soaked confessions.

    I hope I don’t crumble in the cereal aisle

    because the world still feels too full of you.

    I hope I find the strength to let you go.

    I hope I stop remembering the sound of your voice

    in the quiet hours before sleep.

    I hope I no longer dream of the version of you

    who might have stayed.

    I hope I forget the way your laughter

    once felt like sunlight breaking through rain.

    I hope we never stumble upon each other again—

    and hope love finds you, in all its wild glory,

    without me ever having to hear about it.

    And maybe, one day,

    I’ll hope for nothing at all.

    I believe this is what healing must look like- not forgetting, not replacing, not erasing, but reaching the place where hope no longer needs your name to exist.

    Let me know your thoughts

  • An Ode to Calcutta…

    You see, this city lives two lives—
    One that goes by the name of Calcutta, steeped in culture, nostalgia, and the slow unravel of time.
    And the other—Kolkata—the rebranded, fast-paced metro, defined by the chaos of traffic and the digital clock above the Esplanade crossing.

    But no matter how much it tries to keep up with its metropolitan siblings—Delhi’s sprawl, Bombay’s buzz, Bangalore’s tech sheen—this city still beats to a rhythm that is entirely its own. A rhythm of adda that stretches through the afternoon, of mishti in clay cups, of trams that dare to survive in a world of Ubers and impatient deadlines.

    It rained today in Calcutta. Not the kind of polite drizzle you forget, but a steady, monsoon rain that makes you feel like the whole world has paused to listen. And I found myself thinking of the kind of love that only this city can make you feel—the kind that is sentimental, slow-burning, and impossibly deep.

    There’s a reason why Calcutta romances hit different.

    Take Metro… In Dino, for example. A beautiful anthology of love stories that unfolds across India’s biggest cities, showing how romance is shaped by the pulse of the places we live in. From the clinical, high-functioning relationships of Delhi to the dreamy chaos of Mumbai, each story is distinctly shaped by its city. But it’s the Kolkata segment that lingers.

    Because in Calcutta, love isn’t found in coffee dates and Instagram captions—it is found in silences, in longing, in unspoken familiarity. The story set here doesn’t rush. It walks, like the city. It mourns and hopes at the same time, like the people. And it dares to ask the question: what if love didn’t need to be dramatic to be real?

    The city romances differently. It doesn’t just hold your hand; it holds your history. It doesn’t just remember your favourite song—it remembers the time you heard it for the first time on a crackly FM station while stuck in traffic near Shyambazar.

    Being born and brought up here, I know what it is to carry a city in your bones.
    To know that you’ll never truly belong anywhere else.
    And that no matter how far you go, you’ll always be looking for someone who loves the way Calcutta loves.

    That kind of love is not flashy. It is built over slow walks through College Street, over crispy phuchka shared between arguments, over Metro rides that are somehow too short and too long at the same time.
    It is built in bookstores and tea stalls, in the gap between what you say and what you mean.

    People say I’m stuck in the past. That I believe in a version of love that no longer exists. That I still romanticize letters, and Rabindrasangeet, and the poetry scribbled in margins of notebooks.

    And they’re right.
    Because Calcutta has taught me that love doesn’t have to be convenient to be true.

    I will love you like this city clings to ivy-covered buildings and yellow taxis—unapologetically, even if the world is moving on.
    I will love you like Kolkata loves Durga Pujo: with an all-consuming joy that doesn’t care about what comes after.
    I will love you with the quiet devotion of tramlines still carving their path through madness, and with the abandon of a sindoor khela afternoon.
    I will love both your chaos and your calm—just like this city does.

    Because this city has never tried to be anything it is not.
    It holds on—to its roots, to its language, to its impossible softness.

    And maybe that’s why the love born here lasts.

    In Metro… In Dino, every city told a different love story, but Kolkata’s story wasn’t about falling in love.
    It was about staying in love.
    Even when time passes. Even when people change. Even when love is no longer easy.

    It was about that one place, that one person, who still feels like home.

    And that, perhaps, is the truest tribute to Calcutta.
    That despite everything—
    the peeling paint, the crumbling houses, the crowded crossings—
    it still teaches you the kind of love that stays.

    So let the other cities race ahead. Let them find newer ways to romance.
    As for me—
    I will always choose to love the Calcutta way:
    with depth, with memory, and with no intention of forgetting.

  • Strength: The Weight That Breaks

    I have lived my life in half breaths for the past 13 years. A few long sighs here and there.

    You see, strength isn’t what they say it is. It’s not loud, not always noble. It doesn’t come with medals, or claps, or even a soft pat on the back. Sometimes, strength is just silence- the heavy kind that wraps around your throat and keeps you from screaming.

    When the world talks about strength, it’s always about survival. About pushing through. About resilience. But rarely do we talk about what it costs. We rarely speak of the quiet destruction that follows years of holding yourself together.

    I was 13 when I first learned what it meant to “be strong”. A phrase thrown like a life jacket in moments of grief, chaos, and confusion. I wore it like an armour, thinking it would save me. Instead, it began to suffocate me.

    The truth is, strength teaches you how to endure, but not how to rest. It teaches you how to carry pain, but not how to let it go. It tells you to smile when your world is burning, and clap for others while you bleed quietly behind closed doors.

    For 13 years, I perfected the art of “functioning.” I became someone who people admired for being composed. Who they praised for being mature, wise, “beyond my years.” But what they were really admiring was my ability to bury things. My strength was not healing — it was suppression.

    And that’s the thing no one tells you:Strength, when misused, destroys you.Not with a bang, but with a slow, gnawing erosion of your softness. You begin to unlearn tenderness. You flinch at vulnerability. You forget how to cry without feeling weak.

    You become so good at carrying pain that you forget how to set it down.

    We live in a world that glorifies grit. That idolizes those who keep pushing. But I’ve come to believe that strength, real strength, isn’t about how much you can take.It’s about knowing when to stop.It’s about asking for help.It’s about letting yourself fall apart so you can rebuild, not rot.

    Today, I am learning how to breathe again.Not half breaths. Not the quiet sighs of someone holding back tears.But deep, honest inhales that tell my body: you are safe now.

    If you’ve been strong for too long, I see you.But maybe, just maybe, it’s time to put that weight down.Not everything you carry is meant to be yours forever.
    Strength doesn’t have to destroy you.But it will, if you forget that you’re human first.

    Sometimes, I wonder who I would have become if I hadn’t been strong.Would I have laughed louder? Loved easier? Asked for more? Would I have been softer — not weaker, just unguarded — like rain that doesn’t apologise for falling?
    But strength hardened me. It taught me to anticipate disappointment, to lower expectations, to smile with gritted teeth. I became the dependable one, the emotionally mature one, the “rock” — and somewhere along the line, I stopped being seen as someone who also needed to be held.

    That’s the other cruelty of strength — once you wear it long enough, people forget you’re wearing it at all.You become invisible in your own pain.
    And when you finally crack — not break, just crack — it catches everyone off guard. They look at you with startled eyes, as if to say, “You too?”As if strength made you immune to feeling.As if survival was the same as living.
    But surviving is not a personality trait.It’s an alarm bell.A sign that something within you has been screaming for a long time, but no one — not even you — stopped to listen.

    So now, I’m trying something radical.I’m learning how to be gentle with myself.How to rest.How to grieve for the years I spent being strong instead of being free.How to forgive myself for all the versions of me that couldn’t ask for help.

    Because real strength isn’t about suffering in silence.It’s about choosing yourself, even when it feels selfish.It’s about learning to live in full breaths — not just the sighs between disasters.
    And if strength ever whispers again that I need to hold it all in, I’ll remind it:I am no longer a fortress. I am a field — open, wild, and growing.

    Let me know your thoughts

  • This Isn’t a Love Story — But It’s Still About Love

    It’s 2 a.m.—that hour when silence is anything but quiet, when the city’s neon pulse dims just enough for your own pulse to thunder in your ears. My apartment is dark save for the phone screen glowing against my face, and I’m teetering on the familiar ledge between exhaustion and restless curiosity. One more scroll, I promise myself. Then I’ll sleep.

    But instead, Instagram chooses that precise moment to place a reel in front of me—a scene from The Buccaneers. A girl‐on‐fire voice breaks through the hush:

    “Love is a heart attack. Love is the best and worst part of everything.
    Love is hating someone with every inch of your soul, yet spending even a minute without them is the worst pain you’ve ever known.”

    I replay it once, twice, a dozen times, until the words stop being dialogue and settle into my chest like confession. Something sharp and strangely tender turns over inside me.

    Because I’ve always known love exactly this way: a contradiction that walks into your life wearing the softest smile and carrying a lit match behind its back. Love is never just gentle. It’s collision, combustion—comfort kneeling beside chaos. It dismantles the careful armor you’ve spent years forging, peeling you open with a touch that feels like reverence one moment and like lightning the next. You look at this person, aware they could shatter you, and invite them closer anyway, breathing in the risk as if it were fresh air.

    That’s the maddening part: love is rarely peaceful if it’s the kind that truly changes you. It’s the heart attack you enter willingly, a fever that burns through all your neat expectations. Yes, there are forehead kisses and flowers, but there are also slammed doors that echo down empty hallways, unanswered midnight messages blinking like Morse code for I miss you and I hate that I do. There’s the held breath in the space between hope and heartbreak. And just when you can’t find the language for any of it, songs rush in—because music always seems to understand our contradictions before we do.

    Think of the anguish in Taylor Swift and Bon Iver’s “exile,” the resigned ache of watching someone drift away in slow motion. Or the sepia‑tinted redemption of Stephen Sanchez’s “Until I Found You,” a reminder that sometimes love does return, softer and wiser than before. Jeff Buckley’s “Lover, You Should’ve Come Over” howls for the kiss that never lands, while Hozier’s “Cherry Wine” aches with the quiet harm that blooms inside certain embraces. Every track is a diary entry sung aloud, proof that love can be hymn and dirge in the same breath.

    Then there are the people we hate to love—the ones who know every tender spot beneath our bravado. They press those hidden bruises, sometimes by accident, sometimes because their own pain tells them to lash out. Yet we stay. We stay because their absence sounds louder than any argument, because the idea of a world without their laugh, their scent, their particular chaos feels like being locked outside your own home. Their flaws mirror our own, forcing us to stare at parts of ourselves we’d rather ignore. Love, in that mirror, becomes a brutal teacher: it reveals our worst corners while somehow illuminating our best.

    And what of the nights after the storm, when everything is too quiet and your phone is turned face‑down on the pillow? You rehearse angry speeches you’ll never send, scroll through old photos, skip songs you once shared—only to circle back and play them again because pretending indifference hurts more than honesty. This is the truth we rarely post about: hatred is often grief wearing steel‑toed boots, kicking at the door of a heart that still wants in.

    So maybe love is all of it—the 2 a.m. tears, the text drafted and deleted, the playlist on repeat, the promise you make to yourself to never feel this deeply again (and the certainty you will). Love is both wound and balm, curse and cure. It’s the snarl of “I never want to see you again” tangled up with the softness of “Text me when you get home.”

    We keep choosing it—again, again, again—because somewhere beneath the bruises and the bliss is the quiet knowledge that the things with power to break us also shine the brightest light on who we are. The most beautiful sunsets bleed into the sky only after the sun sets itself on fire. The finest porcelain rings when you tap it, precisely because it’s fragile.

    And love?

    Love is the most beautiful violence we will ever endure—an ache that proves, beyond all doubt, that our hearts are still beating.

    Let me know your thoughts

  • Joy in the Gentle: A Love Letter to the Little Things

    As I write this, exile by Taylor Swift and Bon Iver plays in the background — slow, haunting, and just a little too fitting. The city outside my window is still asleep, but my mind is wide awake, pulled back to that 5 AM ride through the meandering streets of Baruipur. I can almost feel the cool morning air again, hear the hum of the scooter, see the sun rising over fields so green it made my city heart ache. That morning comes back to me now like a breath I didn’t know I was holding — and maybe that’s why I’m writing this. To remember what it felt like to notice. To feel. To just be.

    There’s something about living in a city that puts your soul on mute.

    It’s not intentional. You don’t wake up and decide to forget the colour of the sky or the rustle of trees. But between back-to-back meetings, endless scrolling, late-night deadlines, and the buzz of notifications, life becomes one long blur. You’re surviving — maybe even thriving on paper — but somewhere along the way, you stop noticing the world around you.

    A Moment That Changed Everything

    It was a spontaneous 5 AM ride — the kind that only happens with someone who knew you before the noise set in. My childhood friend and I had reunited after years, and without much planning, we set off on her scooty through the meandering streets of Baruipur, a quiet suburb on the edge of Kolkata.

    There was something beautifully uncurated about that morning. The streets still yawned with sleep. The air was cool and generous, untouched by the weight of the day. We rode past sleepy homes, makeshift tea stalls, ponds holding the early light, and stretches of green that looked almost unreal to my city-worn eyes.

    The people, too, seemed different — slower, softer. An old man swept his doorstep with no rush in his movements. A tea stall owner, barely awake, handed us two clay cups with a silent smile, refusing to take money. That quiet hospitality felt like a warm hand on my shoulder.

    And the green. The green! It wasn’t just colour — it was release. It was freedom. Trees arched over narrow lanes like guardians. Fields rolled gently, untouched by concrete ambition. In that moment, I wasn’t thinking about emails or goals or plans. I was simply… there.

    That ride didn’t last forever. But that morning stayed. It reminded me that peace isn’t loud. That clarity sometimes comes without warning. And that the world is still full of moments waiting to be noticed — if only we look.

    Rediscovering Wonder

    Since that morning, I’ve been trying to relearn the art of noticing. Of seeking beauty in the spaces between chaos. The golden spill of sunlight on my balcony. The sound of rain tapping against my window. The rustle of leaves during a walk. The way people laugh when they don’t know you’re listening.

    City life conditions us to be efficient, but not present. We begin to value productivity more than peace. But what if the real success lies in how often we can slow down and actually see what surrounds us?

    Nature as a Reminder

    Even in the most concrete corners of our cities, nature doesn’t give up on us. It persists — quietly, persistently — in cracks, crevices, and forgotten spaces. A stubborn weed blooming through pavement. Moss climbing up the side of an old building. Birds weaving their morning songs into the dull roar of traffic. Trees that have stood still for decades while the city changed around them.

    These are not grand gestures. These are whispers.             
    But they are enough.

    Sometimes we wait for awe — for the kind of overwhelming beauty that takes our breath away — and in doing so, we miss the small invitations that nature sends us every day. The changing colour of the sky. The shadows of leaves dancing on a wall. The way sunlight filters through your curtain like gold dust.

    We don’t need to leave the city to find beauty. We need to return to our senses — to seeing, smelling, touching, hearing, and feeling the world again. Because nature is not separate from us. It is us. And it will keep calling us home — in quiet, consistent ways — until we remember how to listen.

    The Art of Noticing

    The more I think about it, the more I realise that noticing is a kind of love language — for the world, and for yourself.

    To notice something is to say: I am here. I see you. You matter.

    But noticing takes intention. It takes choosing to look up instead of down. To sit without distraction. To be curious, not just efficient. It means giving yourself permission to pause — to be in a moment without trying to capture it, share it, or rush past it.

    So I’ve been building a few quiet rituals, like planting seeds in a garden I hope will grow.
    – I try to watch the sky in the evenings — not just to see if it might rain, but to actually notice the way it shifts, glows, and fades.
    – I drink my morning tea by the window, not scrolling, just breathing.
    – I write down one thing each day that made me feel — not perform, not achieve — just feel.

    Some days, it’s the smell of someone cooking breakfast down the hall. Other days, it’s the sound of laughter drifting through my window from the neighbours’ children. Tiny things. Easy to miss. But they remind me that life is still beautiful — not in spite of its simplicity, but because of it.

    Slow Down. Look Around. You’re Already Home.

    We spend so much time chasing the idea of happiness, of peace, of “getting there” — wherever “there” is. But what if it’s not somewhere far ahead of us? What if it’s already here, hiding in the folds of an ordinary day?

    That morning ride through Baruipur didn’t fix my life. But it helped me remember what I’ve always known deep down — that joy is not a destination. It’s a way of seeing.

    So here’s to the little things.
    To stolen sunrises and shared silences.
    To green fields that ask for nothing and give everything.
    To people who remind you that kindness doesn’t need to be loud to be real.
    To the softness that still exists in a hard world.

    May we never be too busy to see what’s blooming beside us. May we never lose the wonder.

    Because sometimes, the life you’re looking for is already happening — quietly, gently — just waiting for you to notice.

    And just like that, exile fades into silence — only to be replaced by the first few tender notes of Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez. It feels almost poetic, like the universe is giving this piece its own quiet ending.

    I sit back, rereading these words — memories and moments stitched together by stillness — and something in me softens. Maybe this is what healing looks like: not grand revelations, but soft songs, early morning rides, and tiny reminders that beauty still lives all around us.

    And maybe, just maybe, in learning to appreciate the little things, we start finding the bigger ones, too.

    Let me know your thoughts

  • Somewhere…It Begins Again

    I was in Class XI when I first fell in love.

    There was a rush when he looked at me. A spark, a flicker—something that felt infinite, even when it barely knew how to begin. But first love isn’t always gentle, and it certainly isn’t always right. Mine was neither. I thought it was everything, because back then, I didn’t know love could be more.

    Still, I stayed.
    Not because it was beautiful, but because I was afraid.

    Every time it felt like he might leave, my mind whispered:
    If not him, then who?

    That question tethered me to a story long after the plot had unraveled. It made me trade peace for presence. It convinced me that if I lost him, I’d never find love again. So I stayed—for six years—until one day I realised I had outgrown the girl who first asked that question.


    The Second Time

    Then came my second.

    My favourite almost.

    We were everything in slow motion. The kind of love that unspooled gently, like a Sunday morning in a city you’re learning to love. We had a rhythm, a potential, a softness that felt safe. But “almost” is a word that quietly breaks you. It tricks you into believing that “one day” will come—until it doesn’t.

    We almost made love stay.
    We almost had our shared playlists, our traditions, our peace.
    We almost built something lasting.

    “Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting
    Silence, the train runs off its tracks…”

    — Sad, Beautiful, Tragic (RED (Taylor’s Version), Taylor Swift)

    When it ended, it didn’t break me. Not all at once, at least. It was the kind of ending that settles in gradually, like fog over a city you once called home. There was no betrayal, no grand disaster. Just the quiet knowing that we couldn’t carry on. I was tired—of loving people who didn’t stay. Of waiting for something I couldn’t name. Of wondering why love never felt like enough.

    But if you ask me today, I’d still say we were close to something extraordinary.
    Close, but not close enough.


    This Time Might Be Different

    Now, maybe my third is here to stay.
    Maybe he isn’t.

    But for the first time, I won’t ask that old question again.
    If not you, then who?

    Because I’ve learned what that question does. It makes you stay longer than you should. It wraps fear in the illusion of loyalty. It makes you believe that love is scarce, when really—it’s abundant.

    Love shows up in many forms, in many seasons—
    Sometimes as a person, sometimes as a mirror.
    Sometimes as you, choosing yourself after years of forgetting how.

    I’ve learned that love isn’t just about who stays the longest.
    Sometimes, it’s who teaches you how to leave.
    Sometimes, it’s the quiet promise you make to yourself in the dark—
    That next time, you’ll choose you first.


    Love Is Home

    Love, as I’ve come to understand it, isn’t just the butterflies or the longing or the poetry. It’s not even just the safety or the stillness.

    Love is how we slowly become ourselves in someone else’s presence.
    It’s how we learn to rest.
    How we remember the softness we’d tucked away.

    Love is memory, timing, courage.
    And sometimes, love is the lesson.

    And maybe that’s why it blurs so closely into something else—home.

    In my last blog, I wrote about home not being a place, but a feeling. And the more I think about it, the more I realise—home and love are the same thing. They evolve. They shift. They slip through your fingers if you’re not paying attention, only to return in unexpected forms.

    A city. A friend. A morning spent in silence. Or someone’s laugh echoing through a kitchen full of light.

    What a terrifyingly beautiful thing it is to find your home in a person.
    To find love and belonging wrapped into the same soul.

    But even if they don’t stay, the love does.
    The lesson does.
    The knowing that you can love again—differently, deeply, more wisely.


    And So…

    You haven’t met all the people you’ll love.
    And you haven’t met all the people who will love you.

    So chin up, darling.
    Love might just be around the corner.

    And maybe this time—it won’t be tragic.
    Maybe it’ll just be home.

    Let me know your thoughts